best blogger. ever. ha!

yeah i am NO good at keeping up with this blog. funny how i get so frustrated when bloggers i follow stop posting. :) you are all forgiven, by the way.

if we EVER get another placement, i will probably have a lot more to write about! i say that, and i have three kiddos and a full-time job to keep me on my toes. campbell has been in karate since tucker left, and we are loving every minute of watching our little midget "Ki-yah!" all over the place! trey and alyssa are doing very well in school, and making mom and dad very proud.

it's christmas eve EVE, and i am feeling very blessed. we have all three of our kids home with us this year for christmas (they go to their other parents' every other year), and everyone is healthy, for the most part (we have some sniffles, coughs and sneezes, but nothing serious). we are blessed to have jobs, health, children, and gifts under the tree! god is so good.

oops!

"my poor, sweet husband had to sit with me through two hours of training today after only three hours of sleep."

LOL so i just logged in to find this. a not-even-close-to-allllllll-i-wrote post. awesome. well, it's been so long, i don't remember much from that training weekend! that was the first weekend in november, and here we are with the month almost over!

i can't believe tucker has been gone for so long, and that we still do not have a placement. i know god has a plan, and there s a reason we don't have our little guy yet. BUT in the meantime, we can do respite! we just kept our friends' two foster babies over thanksgiving week! i will spare you all the details, but basically they were leaving the state to visit family, and the munchkins weren't able to go. we had some hard moments, but for the most part they were amazing and i got to spoil them rotten for their foster parents. :) we painted every little unfinished wood item from hobby lobby, and even made clay figures that we tried to bake. well that would have worked out if i had gotten the right kind of molding clay! what we ended up with was a melted mess!!

oh the horror! poor brobee is the only one who somewhat made it lol. thankfully, the kids got a laugh out of my "oops" and no one broke down in tears. :)

the house is quiet today with only my girls. trey is at his mom's for a few more hours, and the other two have gone home with their foster parents. hopefully soon they will be reuinted with their mommy and life will go back to a new normal for their family. until then, they are in great hands with some of the sweetest people i know.

i fib, i fib

okay, so i told a little fib. i'm back and i don't have an update or a new placement, but i did want to share this giveaway! 5 million minus 1 is having a "little" giveaway over on their blog, and this is a cause i FULLY support. anything to bring home an orphan to his/her new mommy and daddy! check it out and decide if it's something you can do! http://5millionminus1.blogspot.com/2011/10/giveaway-adoption-style.html

 also, don't forget to follow the mowen family on their journey to adopt their second and THIRD sons from ethiopia!! these boys are PRECIOUS, and i know their parents are beyond excited to get them home! let's help them do this!! (i have a link to their blog on the right side bar.)

i totally thought we were going to get a placement tonight. no, we didn't get another call, but i just "felt" it. same as i did when we got the call for tucker. hopefully soon!

trial and failure......

a week ago yesterday, tucker left our home. initially we thought it was temporary, but we found out the next day that he would be leaving for good. i can't get into the details of the how and why, but in the end, this is what is best for tucker and for our family. my heart is broken for him. that he lost another family. he has to make yet another move. tonight he will transition into his new home. i pray he will be happy and find healing.

tucker is pretty sad about the transition. he doesn't really want to start over, but he understands that this wasn't a request. he has called us every day for the last week. i'm not sure how much longer the communication will continue, or if it's even healthy for him, but for now, i allow him to keep calling.

on a different note, we received a placement call on friday for a 4 week old baby girl. we had to say no to that placement because she would have to go to daycare, but no daycare will take her that young. then today we got a call for an 11 month old baby girl (is there a theme?? what happened to a boy? :)). we actually said yes to this placement, however another family was chosen because the foster mom was a SAHM (stay-at-home mom). alyssa and campbell were disappointed, but trey was happy to hear he wasn't getting another sister!

so i guess you'll hear from me again when we have some news!

update

life is BUSY these days! especially with school back in session. i have recently gotten aggravated with other bloggers whose blogs i read (at least) weekly that haven't been posting. then i realized, i NEVER post! i guess i don't feel like i have a lot to say (oh yes, i love to talk), especially since i'm confused/concerned about what i should and shouldn't write about our new family.

i will say things are hard right now. the honeymoon phase is over. i remember telling another foster mommy friend that "if this is the honeymoon phase, how much worse will it get?" maybe i shouldn't speak anymore. i think i wish things on myself. ahhh. he really is a good kid. he's a good kid with a big heart who has suffered a lot of loss and hurt. he just hasn't quite figured out how to get his anger/aggressions out in a way that doesn't get him into trouble of some kind. he doesn't trust adults because the investigator who handled his case lied and told him he wouldn't tell anyone else if he would just give him details. sooooo, when you don't trust adults and kids make fun of you for being different or sensitive, who do you turn to? god, yes, but tell that to a pre-teen who has been disappointed and let down by adult after adult his whole life. tell that to the child who has lost not their first, but SECOND set of parents. yes, you read that right. tell that to a child who lives in a home with strangers who have weird rules, and has siblings spread all over because they are not stable enough to live together. he believes in god and he believes in the teachings of his word. but tell me he feels it when he has no faith or trust in the rest of the world. how do you tell him that everyone in this world will let you down at some point or another?

we have had it rough the last couple weeks. the "doctor" seems to think we're miracle workers over here and took him off all his meds. less than two weeks later, meds out of his system, and we have a very broken and destructive child on our hands. PTL we're back on them and all is right in MY world for right now. his? not so much. he had a sibling visit recently with a few of his brothers (not all are able to make it to each visit), and two of them had written him a letter basically telling him to have a good life and "don't forget us!" ha. how did that get past the CPS worker?

counselling sessions are going from bi-weekly to weekly due to the recent "issues" we've been having. he's been having. i think this is good for him, but not so much for the rest of us. kind of ties us to the house every saturday early afternoon. with counselling, all night homework, and a weekly structured activity (karate), bi-weekly home visits from our case manager, and monthly sibling visits that take him out of school for an entire day, it's a very foster child-centered home at the moment. that is exactly what we were hoping to avoid when we entered the system as foster parents. if i could change the system, i would. i know all of these things are in place to help the child, but it certainly doesn't leave much room to just be a family. to be a normal kid.

this weekend i have an angel baby in my house! she is beyond adorable, and i might not let her mommy have her back! :) we're providing respite care for our friends who are also foster parents, and we have one of their five foster kiddos. she is sweet as can be, and the girls (alyssa and campbell) are in love. alyssa told me tonight after little miss fell asleep that she doesn't want to give her back lol. too bad she has two handsome brothers that would miss her too much, not to mention her mama and daddy! anyway, just wanted to update those who still read....better get this posted before the battery goes!

9-11 Remembrance/Update

i can't imagine that anyone in this country under the age of maybe six has forgotten where they were ten years ago. i don't remember all the details, but i was at work with my friends. we went to the break room to watch the coverage on CNN. i went through the motions the rest of the day, wondering what was next. was this it? was this the end? i've been told my WHOLE life that Jesus is coming back.....i just couldn't imagine that something like this would happen to our blessed country, and the world wasn't coming to an end. i felt like the chicken who cried "the sky is falling! the sky is falling!" i felt panicked. i knew i wasn't living the way i should, and i was suddenly concerned with where i would spend eternity. i think a lot of people questioned that. (i heard on the radio yesterday that church attendance in NY has increased something like 16% since the 9-11 attacks.) i went home with a very little Alyssa, and sat and watched the news for the. rest. of. the. day. i remember my brother and his friend sitting next to us arguing if they would be drafted into the military. my brother was very happy to reveal that he was the only boy. the only boy left in our family to carry on our last name. (side note: he has three daughters, and who's to say but him and my sister-in-law, but i think they're done! :) ) i was so proud of the way our president stepped up, took charge, and was such a calming voice in the midst of so many emotions. i know a lot of people have a lot to say about president bush, and not all of it good, but my heart goes out to him. i think he did a wonderful job as president. he wasn't perfect. he did some things i didn't necessarily agree with, but how do you make an entire country happy? you can't. enough about politics. i just appreciate his honesty, his dignity, and his convictions. i'm proud to call him "neighbor." (i only WISH i lived in preston hollow.)

onto happier things that happen on 9-11, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADRIENNE!!! my vbffl (very best friend for life....in case you don't have a pre-teen girl) is celebrating her birthday with her adorable family in japan. <3 you!!

UPDATE on us....things with Tucker are turning into our new "normal." he is pretty good, very neat and clean. he does most tasks fairly quickly and does what he's asked to do. i am waiting to see if this is our "honeymoon" phase. if it is, i don't know how much more "new normal" i can take. it's very hard having a stranger in your home that doesn't seem to want to connect. i read in a blog this week that it takes as many years with you as the child was without you to attach. make sense? so that means by the time he's 24 we should be where we're supposed to be?? ha. he struggles in some areas of school, so as the days become shorter, and the nights longer, we find ourselves staying in more. homework that is done in less than an hour for the other two seems to consume the rest of his evening. then it's dinner, study for this or that test, shower and bed. sounds fun, huh? i recently posted on facebook that i can pretty much quote the entire first chapter of my kids' social studies book. i wasn't kidding. i read every section so that i could find the answers and explain to him how i found the answers. my other kids are getting less and less of our attention as we focus on making it to the next test. i don't know if he's testing us, or just likes the individual attention. i can tell you that he was AMAZING this weekend when it was just him and Campbell. the other two big kids went to stay the night with friends, so Eddie and i took Tucker and Campbell to eat and shop. wasn't exactly a thrilling evening, but he very much enjoyed the somewhat undivided attention. i am dreading our next visit with our case worker. Tucker has pretty much decided we are trying to add to his already destroyed childhood by making him a slave to his flash cards (math and science). yes, he actually said this. yes, we know we're right to encourage him to study. HOWEVER, i can only imagine how this will translate when he has his one-on-one time wiht his case worker and tells her what WONDERFUL people we are. :)

a couple things to pray for if you still peek in here from time to time (i am THAT slacker blogger. sorry!): 1. that we find a Christian therapist for Tucker that he truly likes and that can help him heal (monthly therapy is a requirement). 2. that he finds the "fun" in school and makes amazing friends like Trey and Alyssa have (i truly LOVE their friends), and takes his school work seriously. 3. that we have patience with a broken child who is also hitting puberty while transitioning into a new, big family. 4. that God's will be done. i have a lot of things on my mind and my heart, and my husband and i are not on the same page. this is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just not "right now!" i can't exactly go into it, but if you know me, you may have an idea.

thank you if you're still reading and checking in on us. i am still trying to decide what i should and shouldn't write on here. i know i won't be able to give specifics of each and every meltdown/bad behavior/naughty words said, but i want to be able to blog openly and honestly, so that you can really get a feel for what being a foster parent is like. i can say this, regardless of how easy or hard the days are, i would do this again because i know God has called us to care for the orphan and the widow. this is not exactly the experience i dreamed about. i reallllllllly wanted to be involved with the bio parents. in this case, there are no parental visits, so i can't have that angels singing, glory moment where the bio mom/dad/parents get their lives straightened out and the angelic child i have been helping raise has now gone back to live happily ever after with his birth family. maybe God knew i wouldn't be as good at that part of it as i'd like to think i'd be. :) either way, it ain't happenin'!

the hard parts

i thought i took everything into consideration when i decided to put my kids names on this blog. what i didn't think about was when the kids are older, they could be online, find this blog and read about details i might not have wanted them to know, espeically not tucker. as if he needs to go back and read about how hard this or that was for me with him here, especially after everything else he's been through. i started this blog hoping i could be open and honest about my feelings during this process. there are so many blogs out there and it seems like they leave out the hard parts, or they hint that things are rough but don't elaborate, leaving you guessing. ugh....there is so much i want to share, but i can't. what i can tell you is that things have been going a little easier with tucker being here than i thought. he is very good to put away his dishes, clean up, etc. there are some other things and some attachment and bonding issues that we had anticipated with his age. i'm sure it happens at all ages, but pre-teens in general are not as receptive to affection like little kids are. besides that, i'm not always the best at giving it out. that is definitely something i need to work on!

anyway, right now i'm trying to decide if i should just abandon this blog and start a new one where i leave out some of the specifics like names and picutres so that i can reallly tell it like it is and not leave out the hard parts. something to think about!

Home Sweet....Home?

It has been almost a week since "Tucker" came to our home, his home. It has been somewhat awkward for all of us. I think Trey and Alyssa have adjusted pretty well considering they have to share all their toys with a complete stranger and call him "brother." I am not really sure how to continue this blog since Tucker is a pre-teen. I don't want to say anything that he may someday read and take the wrong way. The kids in our school district have laptops that they take home, and I am not really sure how he or I would feel if he read this blog and I shared all of my feelings. I will see how I feel as this continues, and go from there. For now, just know that we are all adjusting. It's going okay, and I think it is as much of an adjustment for us as it is for him. If you have any questions about things and want to email me or message me on facebook, I have no problems sharing in a more private setting. This just feels a little too much for right now. Thank you for your prayers....our family is coming around, and some of them have been amazing! I will try and blog when I feel like it's okay to post. (Please forgive any nonsense or repetitiveness! I am beyond tired and probably should have waited to write this post!)

News and Struggles

Struggling with the fact that so many people seem to be against us in this journey. I never in a million years thought that that some of the people we love the most would be so against us loving on another child. A child without a family. Really? Where is Christ's love in that? Where do they get off thinking that this life is supposed to be about US or supposed to be easy?? Maybe my attitude is wrong, maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but if I don't stand up for what we're doing, for him, who else will? I think that the judgement that we're feeling right now is the very thing that keeps so many people from joining a church or coming to Christ. If this journey only changes my heart, and helps me to stop judging from a distance, then it was all worth it....if that's the ONLY lesson I learn. Well, we all know I'm learning some serious lessons in patience! This wait....the wait for Tucker since we've seen his picture, seen him in person, makes me respect mommies and daddies adopting internationally THAT much more. I just can't even fathom getting a referral picture and waiting months to meet your child, and then even longer before you can take him/her home!!

As for the news (I had to find a way to get you to skim read my rant first!), we got approval from CPU (the Child Placement Unit) for Tucker to move from the group home he's in now to our home! We should have a date/time tomorrow after our agency has had a chance to staff this with his CPS worker. Sooo excited! I'm on vacation all this week, so we'll have some family bonding time, then we'll have just over a week before school starts! Speaking of school, I will have THREE sixth graders!! Lord HELP me!! :)

Still Waiting!

Oh isn't it funny how we always think we know best? We thought the placement would have happened by now, and even talked about how it would be better for everyone involved if he were home before Trey and Alyssa came home. God's timing really is....right on time! Now, we do not have "Tucker" (since this is not his legal name, I think it's safe to call him that on here!) in our home yet, but the "perfect placement day" in our mind up until last weekend was last Friday, the 29th. The kids came home and everyone was so excited to see them! So much so that something went unnoticed (we'll just leave it at that), and late Sunday evening I found something that would keep me occupied for DAYS! So glad he wasn't home while I was dealing with "the issue!" Then we were hoping by today at the latest. :) We aren't all that smart people. My best friend in the WHOLE world is coming this weekend with her beautiful family to visit for a few days before she and her husband are stationed in Japan for 3 years. I feel like I need some bonding time with my friend-fam, and didn't want Tucker to feel left out in any way. At the same time, I didn't want to neglect these people who have been such good friends to us for so many years and make them feel like we were too busy with life to take the time to enjoy these last few days together. As much as it saddened me to hear, we won't hear anything about the actual placement until Monday. By the time they get a date/time for drop off, my friends will have come and gone. So He proved me wrong, yet again, that He knows best and I'm just along for the ride!

I almost forgot to mention that we got to see Tucker from a distance last weekend. (That didn't sound stalker-ish AT ALL!) We had training last weekend, and Tucker's current foster parents just so happened to pick the same time as we did, so we caught a few glimpses of him coming and going from the room. He looks to be pretty happy. Our home developer (why not call her friend?!? I've known her almost 8 months now!) was in the room with all the kids and kept an eye out for me. We shared details of our "Tucker sightings" via email the next day. :) All my fears of fostering an older child.....gone. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know there are days that are going to be ROUGH, but we're in this. If he is who God wants in our home, then we'll do everything to get him there....and keep him there.

Prayers welcomed! We're going a little stir crazy waiting to see WHEN he can come home.

mayyyybe

We got our first placement call yesterday!! We haven't really told anyone (a couple of our foster mommy friends and some co-workers who heard me get the call. :)) SO, if you're a friend on facebook, PLEASE do not post anything until I do! We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we just aren't ready for all the questions. Especially since it isn't a "for sure" thing. He's a little older than we were requesting, but after hearing all about him, I'm hoping his age and the fact that he would be taking the "oldest" spot from Trey won't matter at all. He's 12 and loves basketball. He WANTS to be a part of a family. We're still waiting to hear from our agency, should be another couple days, but that's okay, because we don't even have a caseworker at this point! Best case scenario (in our eyes) would be that he is placed with us this Friday and we are able to spend a couple days with him before Trey and Alyssa come home from their other parents'. In case you didn't already know, I will never be able to post pics or details of any foster child's case, but we're excited to share the experience with anyone who reads this blog, and hopefully change your mind about foster care! Prayers needed, my patience ran out while waiting on the license!! :)

WOOHOOO!!!!

Sorry if you got a little excited reading that and thought maybe we had our first placement. :) BUT I finally got our license today via email!!! I was so excited, but with no access to facebook, a sleeping hubby, and kids away w/their other parents (except for Miss Campbell!! She was at the sitter's, probably napping), I had no one to share my excitement. :( However, I did print out a copy of our license and take it to a few friends at work so SOMEONE could get excited with me. We are very happy and a little nervous. I'm a planner and this is not exactly the type of thing you plan for. We have friends who had an emergency placement late in the evening recently. They didn't even know why they were getting their sweeties or for how long. SO, pray for us!! We might need a little extra patience.....with CPS, the process, our foster child, our bio kids, etc.......we'll take what we can get! I know God has it under control. Very excited to get to know one or more very interesting little men. I'd be okay with one, but whatever God has in store for us............

so close! but not quite....

Sooooo.....I got an email and a phone call from our agency today. I finally have some answers as to why it is taking so long to get licensed. Yay!! According to our home developer it is in the final process and should we should be licensed tomorrow. She said they had to take it to the state level to get some answers about my husband transporting our child and having his duty weapon on him. Initially they thought that there was an exception to the rule for police officers, but with all the digging/investigating they now know that there isn't. That obviously would be an issue for us since he is a police officer and is sometimes in uniform when he meets me with the kids, or has to drop them off at grandma's when I work late or get stuck in traffic. They will be getting special permission so that we will be able to have our special circumstances covered in instances like these. She told me that the lady who submits everything had left early, but sometimes works from home, SO, if we weren't officially in the system by end of day today, we will be tomorrow! Yay! Better late than never, huh???

His blessings.......

I am going to post this today as a reminder for me and my house that God truly is faithful. I was deleting some "drafts" that I never posted and came across this one. When I wrote it, I held back and saved it as a draft because I didn't want to come across as "holier-than-thou" because I really do NOT feel like we are better than anyone. We might be better OFF than those with nothing, but not better than anyone because of HOW we live our lives or how we spend our money. I had a conversation with a friend today about tithing and God's faithfulness. Let me share with you a little about our testimony....when it comes to "our" money. 

~Just DAYS after buying this house, I lost my job. I told Eddie I felt like we should keep on giving our 10% regardless of what bills were due. Our mortgage and car payments left little money to pay for food, gas, electric, etc. But we gave anyway, and God met our EVERY need. We were never late on the house payment, we always had food to eat, and yet the numbers didn't add up. Seriously people, it's a GOOD thing God was in control of our finances at that time because I would have lost my MIND if I were the one trying to work the numbers. (Math is NOT my strong suit.) It made no sense, but sometimes I think that's just how God likes to roll. Let 'em wonder....
A couple years ago I started giving as soon as I felt Him moving me....no audible voice, just a number in my head and a specific need for specific people or organizations. Freaked my husband out a little. Okay, a lot. He was constantly telling me, "You can't save the world Amanda." My reply? "I can't, but GOD can. And we can HELP one person at a time. So when he says "GIVE," we give." Every SINGLE need (financially speaking) from that day on has been met. Every. single. one. Last year we had a lot of big things hit at once. We needed a new roof (thank you Texas hail storm) and found out our deductible was triple what we thought it was, our daughter had to have surgery, our property taxes weren't properly escrowed and we had to come up with basically an extra house payment to keep our monthly payments from increasing....the list goes on. One thing after another worked out. Need after need was met and paid for.

This fiscal year, the department my husband works for announced that in addition to taking ONE paycheck (there are 27 pay periods this year instead of 26), they would also be taking 12 furlough days. So basically my husband's annual salary was cut by one month's pay. OUCH. We walked in the door for his mandatory benefits appointment with smiles on our faces and made it known that only God was in control of our finances. It looked a little tight for a couple months, but God IS faithful. We attended the Wait No More conference in early November and made a commitment to God right then and there that we would follow His will for our lives. Just before the conference my husband got the promotion he thought he wasn't getting, and immediately after, I made a slight career change at my hospital that was supposed to be a lateral transfer. God turned that into a more-than-enough increase. Do you see where I'm going with this? I'm not trying to say that you should give to get. It's not ours. None of it. It's HIS, and it should all be used for His glory, to further His kingdom. THAT is what we are here for. Not to be comfortable. Not to sit around and wait for someone else to do it. GO. Be. Do. I'm guilty of being "comfortable" myself. I don't think God cares for "comfortable." (What does the Bible say about being "lukewarm" Christians? He'd rather spit you out of His mouth...) He has blessed this country SO MUCH, and we all take it for granted. So much so, that there are 147,000,000 orphans in the world, yet 78.5% of Americans claim to be Christians. WHERE is Christ in that?? (Disclaimer: I say all this not to make us look good, but to show you that God IS faithful.)
.

2 Corinthians 9;7
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

tick tock.....

tired, so tired of waiting. all in HIS timing. right? i think the good lord must be teaching me a serious lesson in patience. today marks another day of no answers, no license, and no new face in the house. i was hoping we would have the summer to bond w/our first foster child, but as june is flying by me (seriously, where did june go???), i am beginning to doubt that will be possible. on the plus side, we have our hands full with puppies right now (want one???), and the thought of paying for daycare for another kid during the summer......counting my blessings, i really am. :)

anyway, i got an email from our home developer last week asking for about six random things, most of which she had copies of or should have already known after having four visits to our home to interview all of us. i know we had to drop the ball (take a short pause?) on things for a little bit while we waited for answers, and again for finger prints since the puppies came early, but other than that, every. single. thing. she asked for was sent right away. and i mean RIGHT away. i sent her an email yesterday asking if she had been able to submit our home study after all the last minute things she needed, and she said she had and that we would hear from her this week. goodbye tuesday. maybe wednesday! let you know when i know more!

puppies, foster care and germany!

What do those three things have to do with one another? Not a whole lot, but that pretty much sums up our week! The puppies are doing great. Driving us crazy, but doing great! We still have six, healthy pups, so that's a plus. :) They are starting to develop personalities and some of them are working my nerves w/the yelping/barking, but they are cute as ever!

We just finished the last of our paperwork and are now waiting for our home study to be completed. YES, we had four? home studies, however, our home developer still has to "write" our home study and submit it to her supervisors before everything is complete. Then everything will be submitted to Austin, and it is my understanding that it takes 24-48 hours after our license has been submitted before we'll be "open." Yesterday I emailed our home developer asking her for a guestimate as to how long until we're officially licensed and her response was, "About two weeks-ish. Hopefully!" Ugh, really?????? People I have BEEN patient. And I don't just mean patient for ME, I mean patient period. Six months just seems like an awfully long time to complete something like this. I know people who have ADOPTED (not through foster care...just to clear that up!) quicker than we were licensed! Granted, I haven't heard of many that happen that fast, but a few! Pray for me people. Pray for me. I'm running out of patience. I just wanted to be finished w/this ONE thing.

Why Germany? No, we are not going there, and we are not adopting from there, however, we have friends who have been called to the mission field and Germany will soon be their new home! Tonight we got to hang out w/an old friend of mine from back home and hear how God has called his family to Germany as missionaries @ Black Forest Academy. It was nice meeting his wife and two kids and learning a little more about what God has in store for them. If this interests you at all, go check out their blog: http://thesnavelysingermany.blogspot.com/. I've also added them to the blog list of blogs I keep up with.

It has been a very long day of puppies, work and preparing for guests, so I am headed to bed!

Real Quick....

Lunch is almost over, but since I KNOW I'll be busy tonight and tomorrow preparing for guests.....we are FINISHED. Done. Nothing else needed. (Now that I've said that, I'll probably get to eat those words!!) Not really sure how being finished w/paperwork/finger prints relates to actually being licensed, but I'll let you know once I get the final word!

And we have........

Puppies!!! Lola, our English Bulldog had her first litter of puppies yesterday, May 17th. She's the I'm-so-not-into-this "proud" momma of six bully pups! Four girls and two boys. She was scheduled to have them via c-section this morning, but when the breeder called to check on her yesterday, she was already showing signs that she was in labor, so they went ahead with it yesterday. We were scheduled to have our finger prints done yesterday (FINALLY!), go to the gym, then get a few things to prepare for the puppies. Funny how God's timing doesn't always match up with our plans, huh? I seriously can't even believe this is me talking, because if this had happened in any other circumstance, I probably would have been pouting....hardcore. Instead, I just said, "OH WELL!" I know that all this means is that the placement God has for this family isn't ready. So say a little prayer that we get to take some time away from the puppies very soon so that we can finish up our home study by getting our finger prints! Anyway, here are some pics of the new pups! Enjoy!!

Chalkboard Table

Yep, two posts in one day! I meant to post these pics this past weekend, but my camera died and Campbell was wanting some mommy-time. Anyway, a couple years ago (ahem!), I left a scented oil plug-in on my dining room table over night. I guess it fell over when I set it down, and the oil leaked out, eating away at the varnish and the stain. Awesome. We almost never use the dining room table, and that end of the table seemed to be a "catch all" anyway, so we took our sweet (lazy) time getting around to doing something about it! I found a pic online of a table top that had been converted into a chalkboard table. Looked pretty simple (hubby project!), so we (I mean, he) gave it a try.......Wish I had taken pics of it step-by-step, but I didn't, so here's the short version: http://paisleypassions.blogspot.com/2010/08/chalkboard-paint-dining-table.html   :)

And here's our (Eddie's) creation!

Game on!

Phew! So we had our meeting tonight with the director of our agency, and I LOVED her!!! Everything went so much better than I even imagined. I wish I could give all the details of the conversation, but for the privacy of certain members of my family, I'll keep most of it to myself. We went there tonight crossing our fingers that the things one of our older kid's bio parent has done wasn't going to keep us from fostering with this agency (oh what a pain it would be to start over!). That was kind of the situation, however she was more concerned about our kids if the bio parent ever makes an accusation. She said when you have a foster child in your home and an accusation has been made, even if it's untrue, that it is very likely they would remove all of the kids from our care until the issue had been investigated. Do you know how long a CPS investigation can take?!? Anyway, she wanted to express her concerns/fears for our family before placing a child in our care so that we were prepared. They have asked us to pray/think about our decision to continue down this path and give them an answer when we're ready. We were able to give them an answer before we left, however, out of respect for their agency, and their knowledge of foster care, we did tell them we would talk it out, and of course, pray about it, and let them know our "final" answer tomorrow. You know our answer was yes! We aren't going anywhere. I'm not going to let the actions of one crazy person determine the rest of my life. I can't. This person cannot and will not have control over my life, my decisions, or the lives of my children. Oh, and we do not have to purchase another bed! We just have to have the means to get a bed if we are put in a situation where we would need to take in another child. I can deal with that! So........GAME ON!

On another note, if you're still reading my blog that I often abandon :), PLEASE pray for us. We were presented with a "situation" tonight that one of us would LOVE to dive into head first, but the other is more reserved. Okay, not even reserved. Try dead-set against the idea. :) Let's just say if it all works out the way I'm thinking it MAY, God had his hand in it all. It would make for a GREAT story to share, but I can't tell you ANYTHING until it happens.....if it happens! So....prayers! Please! NOW!!! :)

@#$%&*@

No, that doesn't represent a bad word or thought.....just my frustration for which there is no word. Seriously, we are still waiting on answers. We had our last home study about three weeks ago (or more!), and we are still waiting on some answers that came up in our last meeting with the home developer. I tried not to harass her about it, but maybe I should have bugged her a little sooner than I did. I waited so long to ask the status of our "situation" that the director was already headed to the coast for a week long cruise. We had to set up a meeting for today at our agency to discuss some hot topics that came up last visit, and that meeting was cancelled almost last minute. I know the director can't help that she is sick and I am so thankful she kept her germs at home so Eddie and I didn't have to share them with her :), HOWEVER, we are very anxious to get the ball rolling again, and a month of waiting just seems a bit unnecessary if you ask me. We should have been licensed by now. I am not the most patient person, so I know this has to be God. For me to be as calm as I am (oh this is definitely calm for me!), I can't imagine that it's anything but His perfect timing. Every time I start to get anxious about the fact that we still aren't licensed (and still no finger prints OR bed!!), I have to remind myself that in His perfect timing we will meet our foster son. Maybe he'll be the first and only, or maybe he'll be the first of many. Either way, we didn't go down this path thinking it was an easy one. I did a lot of research and praying before "jumping" into this.

I hear a lot of commercials lately bringing a little spot light to foster care and adoption. Even got to catch the tail end of a talk show that's guest host was an adoptive dad on my way to the kids' dentist/doctor's appointment earlier this week. Makes me smile inside hearing other people talk about their adoption experience. Speaking of which, have you checked out Tara and Brad's page lately?? They have some super cute pics of Jacob posted. :)

Please keep us in your prayers if you're still reading this (you know, since I practically abandoned the blog while waiting (not) SO patiently!). We have a lot of things coming up (training, events, trip to visit friends out of town, mother's day) that should keep us occupied, but also cost $$$ and we still have a couple expensive things on our list! (I am seriously having issues w/buying another bed we won't be using. I am cheap, people!) Any and all prayers are appreciated!!!

on hold

So for right now everything is on hold as far as our licensing goes. Kind of a bummer, but Eddie and I don't want to spend any more money (the extra bed, finger prints, etc) until we get some answers. I don't really want to go into all the details, but something came up in our last home study that upset me a little. I asked for some answers before we continue with our agency. This by no means will stop us from fostering, just puts a bump in the road. We were supposed to be licensed by the beginning of April, and obviously that hasn't happened. It's good to know we only have a few things left to do, but it should all have already been done. Makes me a little angry to have to wait on something like this. As much as we both like the people at our agency, sometimes things seem so disorganized, and I am NOT a fan. I sent an email to our home developer today asking for an update since we haven't seen her in a week, and she called me right away. I think she knows I'm upset and she really is trying to get me some answers, however, she still doesn't have one. Sooo, we wait. And wait. And wait.....or at least it feels that way. I know everything is in God's perfect timing, but some days it just seems like this will never happen. It's kind of like being in the middle of a pregnancy. You feel like the day will never come, and then it does and it seems like time flew by. :) But trust me, right now, time is standing still! So while we wait, go check out Brad and Tara's blog (The Mowen's Adoption Journey) to see how things are going for them in ET while they wait for court to take their son, Jacob, home! I can't wait until she can post pics. He is stinking ADORABLE!! His Aunt Amy sent me a pic that I have kept to myself for far too long. (Thanks Ames!!) So happy to know that God has blessed them with a HEALTHY baby boy.

home study: it's a wrap!

Yes, our fourth and FINAL home study is complete! I wasn't home for a good portion of it (purposely!), so I don't have much to post. I can imagine it was very similar to mine. What was your child hood like? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? How were you disciplined? How do you discipline your children? And then, of course, all the questions about his first marriage. Most of which, I know the answers to, just didn't want to be around to hear a second time!

Our home developer talked to Trey and Alyssa separately for about fifteen minutes each. Not sure what exactly they talked about since I gave them space to answer honestly, and then I was off to pick up Alyssa's friends for her sleep-over. Trey left not long after I got back to visit with his mom for the weekend, so I haven't gotten a chance to ask them what their interview was about. Campbell flat out refused to talk, so I have nothing! :)

What I do know is this: *We had to take our trampoline down. Eddie is the only one happy about this. The kids and I are still pouting a little, so I hope there is no resentment when we finally have a placement. *The kids all have to have TB shots. Bummer. I just told them this week they aren't due for any vax when they go to the doctor in two weeks for their well visits. *We have to get another bed. We are now being licensed for two kids, not three like we originally were told. They are going to make an exception because of our vehicle situation. Even though we only have plans to accept one child, we have to have beds available for the amount of children we are licensed to keep. UGH. I wish she had gotten her stuff together and told us all this SOONER so that we could have made a little more room in the budget. I think it's ridiculous if you want to know the truth. We have a credit card and a Walmart RIGHT down the road, so if we're ever put in a situation that we feel God is asking us to accept two kids, then we can go from there. Why do we have to have it in the house? So many rules, so many kids, so few foster families. No wonder the statistics for the kids aren't good. Sometimes I just sit here and shake my head thinking about the ridiculous things they focus on.

So now my list looks like this:

Finger prints x2
TB shots x3 (Eddie and I get ours annually at work)
Purchase ANOTHER twin bed/mattress/bedding?
Send home developer family pic

***Pray for us!! :) Not a lot left to do, but running out of patience, and maybe funds LOL.

the Emergency Shelter

I'm a little late posting, but since I was sick all last week, I had a lot of laundry and a little bit of cleaning to catch up on....not to mention go back to work! This past Saturday, Eddie and I spent some time with five foster kids that are all currently at an emergency children's shelter. If I didn't know better, I would say it's a great place to live, but I do. I know that the kids staying here have either JUST been taken from their parents (within the last 90 days), or they have currently been sent back from a foster home. I guess there could be other reasons why these kids are here, but the five kids we met on Saturday were there for those reasons.

I owe a huge thank you to the ladies running the shelter for taking us in LAST MINUTE and letting us get some of our hours. They really KNEW what they were doing, and from the looks of things, they ran a tight ship. The shelter has been up and running since the early 80's. It was started by a nurse that had been taking in foster kids when the police or CPS (did CPS even exist in the 80's??) needed an emergency placement. It was kind of cool to hear the history of the shelter. There are live-in parents that are ALWAYS at the home, and then they have other helpers and volunteers that come in throughout the week, some staying the night. We were told that they had been placed with as many as 22 children at one time. YIKES!! The home has a boys wing and a girls wing. Each room has a closet, two beds with storage, a dresser? and an adjoining jack and jill bathroom. The hallway was lined with linen/storage closets (can you say jealous?!?). There are two living/play areas with several couches and big screen tv's. SO. MANY. TOYS. The kitchen was my dream kitchen minus some of the stainless steel. They have a large eat-in area w/a table that could fit the Duggar family. :) Three industrial sized refrigerators, a walk-in freezer, a pantry the size of my closet, two side pantries in the kitchen, and tons and tons of cabinet space. Oh, and two gas stove/ovens that I now covet. The back yard is mostly concrete, which is great for playing basketball and riding bikes. They have two large, covered sand boxes, bike rack, foosball table, air hockey table, a swing set for big kids, a swing set for babies, a jungle gym w/slide, and a basketball court. Sounds like everyone's dream home, doesn't it? Everyone's dream home but these kiddos. :(

I don't really want to say much about the kids because they were great and anything other than that would be giving out too much information. They were a lot of fun to hang out with, though I missed spending time with our three kids while Daddy was off work and home for the weekend. A couple of the kids were waiting on a relative to finish up some paperwork to take custody, but a sibling group was currently in the shelter because their NINTH foster placement had just brought them back. In the time we spent with them, I could see how they could get into a lot of trouble (fought a lot, serious sibling rivalry), but really? NINE foster homes??? So sad! (Before you start thinking that, there are a lot of reasons we COULDN'T take them, none of which I'll get into!)

So, I've lost count of how many hours we have left to finish up. We have another visit scheduled with the Joneses that I am looking forward to this weekend! We still need to get our finger prints done, so that is next on the list. I've heard things about FBI finger prints from some of the docs I work for, so not looking forward to the "what if's" with that, but I'll let you know how it goes once we're done!

TO DO LIST


double locks for meds
lock for ammo box
sheets for bunk beds
FBI finger prints
MORE supervision hours
emergency kit
re-schedule 4th and FINAL! home study
(I know there has to be more, but can't think of anything right now!)

home study: take 3

Yep. You read that right. Take three, not four. We should be at the fourth and final part of our home study by now, but things came up for our agency and our home developer had to take over a class instead of complete part three of four. Sooooo we swapped Eddie's portion for the couples interview since I was home on Monday. She got to our house right at one and didn't leave until about five or close to it. Made for a long afternoon, especially since I had the WORST headache. (Sinus and allergy season are in high gear in this household, and we're all going a little crazy with the change in weather.)

The interview consisted of questions about our marriage, what makes it good, what do we fight about, what needs the most work. She didn't quite believe us when we couldn't come up with the things we fight about. She told me they weren't looking for perfect, just the truth LOL. We don't really fight. We argue sometimes, but I think the different schedules with him working nights and me working days really helps to just appreciate any time we  have together. We also made two rules when we first tied the knot: #1 NEVER go to our family with any problems we're having with one another. #2 Never go to bed angry. (This also applies to leave for work angry!) She also questioned how we discipline our kids, how age plays a role in that, and what kinds of things we like to do with our kids. Just for fun, I'll give you our answer to one of her questions. :)
*What makes our marriage good/work: We put God first, us second, kids last. We love our kids, but if we don't put our marriage first and work on any problems there, we can't be good parents. (And personally, I don't think I'd be very good at either without putting God first!) We aren't always good to remember to go out on date nights, but we do make the kids go upstairs so we can have some alone time every time we're together. Doesn't keep them from coming down to interrupt, but we'll take what we can get! 

Before and after the interview we covered a couple things that we had questions about. First of all, we have clearance to get our finger prints! Yay! I guess that means we passed our background checks. :) We can do that at any time, and they prefer we finish up by the time we've completed our supervision hours so we will be able to be licensed by the beginning of April. However, at $44 a pop, we'll do his this pay period, then mine next pay period. With some other things we are still needing to purchase, we don't want to do everything at once and break the bank. We still need to get an emergency kit together (four gallons of water, flashlights, two-way radios, spare clothes, blankets, non-perishable food, etc), need sheets for the bunk beds, two sets of finger prints, new, locking door knobs for the master bathroom, something to hold our meds and a lock to go with it, and either fix up our dining room table or buy a couple barstools/tall chairs for the kitchen counter so we can all eat as a family. We barely have room in the breakfast nook for Campbell as it is, and she will outgrow her high chair very soon, so we need to think ahead.

Eddie and the kiddos will have another quick interview in a couple weeks. By then she would like us to be almost finished with our hours, finger prints done, and we HAVE to have our meds locked up and show that this is our new method.....until then, we spend as much time with the Joneses or the shelter as possible! Pray that we get our hours in....and in a timely manner. Our schedules are a little bit crazy, and we'll take any prayers we can get through this process! :)

Supervision Hours

This weekend Eddie, the kids and I got to meet the coolest couple. We'll just call them the Joneses for privacy reasons. They are foster parents to SIX littles, ages six and under! Talk about blessed! (Not sure I want to be THAT blessed!!!) Let me tell you, this mommy  has it together. She may not feel that way, but she definitely had me fooled. I don't want to say too much about their names or ages, but they are some of the CUTEST kids I have ever met. They have two different sibling sets. One set they will be adopting in the very near future! What lucky kids to have such cool, loving parents.

The other sibling set will hopefully be reunified with their bio parent soon. I know that is the ultimate goal of foster-care, but let me tell you.....if anything goes wrong with reunification with the bio family, I would definitely want to pursue those little guys. (With Eddie's permission, of course!) They are gorgeous. One of them just kept staring at me. He had the prettiest eyes and the cutest snaggle-tooth grin! I asked Eddie if we could take them with us one day this week while I'm off so their foster-momma can have a little break (the little ones all nap!!). As fun as it would be, this has got to be a BAD idea! I want these kids to be reunited with their bio family. That is what this process is all about. But I know me, and spending more time with them would just make me want to keep them! Okay, I know what you're thinking, and your probably right. They'll place a child in our home and I'll want to keep him, even though reunification will probably be inevitable. I don't know if I'll ever get used to raising someone else's kid, falling in love, and then handing them back, knowing that their parents may very well go back to being the same person that had their child removed from their home. But I do know that God has called us to do this, and for that reason, I know he'll take care of my heart.

Back to what we learned! They had a divide and conquer plan since it was pretty windy and they have three babies that didn't need to be out in the weather. Mr. Jones and Eddie took our three kids and the Joneses three boys to the park, while I stayed home with Mrs. Jones and the babies. I say babies, but really two of the three are toddlers. They JUST started walking, so their mommy has her hands full! She showed me all the paperwork involved. Told me who to call when I needed help, how to work the computer program where I'll be documenting EVERYTHING that our foster son does in a week. You have to document every time you toss/sale an article of clothing or toy. You have to document every doctor/dentist visit. She mentioned that if we have a child that tends to lie to document, document, document. Said it comes in handy if they decide to lie about us. That way we can prove a history of lying to basically CYH (cover-your-hiney!). She showed me how they "double lock" their meds. They put a key lock on their bathroom door for lock #1, and for the double lock, they store their meds in small plastic containers that have pad locks on them. Much better than the safe or locking filing cabinet we had in mind! She also has a cool system in their kids' bathroom. They bought a locker set that has six lockers w/keys. Each child has their own space for towels, rags, shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, etc. Also, each of the kids have their own colored towels and rags. Talk about organized! I guess when you have six kids, you don't have much choice. :)

A couple things that were brought up that I had mentioned/questioned in previous posts: When the kids come to us from CPS, our county provides a duffle bag for each child with 3-4 jammies, 3-4 outfits, socks and underwear, and I think shoes. Then all we'll have to worry about is school uniforms. Also, payment is the 15th and the end of the month. She said if you have a child placed in your home on the 14th, you would be paid on the 15th of the next month for ONE day. She says it's that way because payments are a month behind. I think if we're only going to have one child in our care this won't be so bad, but can you imagine how much of a struggle it would be if we had multiple kids or babies for that matter?

Hopefully we'll be able to get in some more hours with the children's shelter nearby. Only 22 more hours to go! Maybe we'll get to hang out with the Joneses again soon.....they are a great source to have living so close by!

Our Sponsored Child

I only briefly mentioned going to see Chonda Pierce and Warren Barfield in Dallas a couple weeks back. What I didn't mention was that Warren was there to bring awareness of world hunger by supporting an organization called Food for the Hungry. He told his story of going to a third world country and seeing small children walk ALL DAY LONG looking for water. His story is his to tell....how God broke his heart for these people searching for the very thing that he had within STEPS of every room in his house. I have been wanting to sponsor a child or family for a while now, but something was holding me back. I walked past the Food for the Hungry table before the concert started and spotted this adorable little boy that looked about 8 years old. I asked a few questions, then walked away. I told God if now was the time and this was the boy, let his picture still be on the table at intermission. During intermission I walked out to the table and a lady was holding up the same picture I had been looking at earlier. I walked away, thinking it wasn't meant to be, but I turned back around when I heard that she was looking for a specific birth month (wanted the same birth month as her kids), and this child did not meet her criteria. :) I did a little "do now, ask for forgiveness later" and filled it out without talking to my husband first. I mean, really, how's he gonna argue with a God-thing? When I told him what I had done (by text, of course!), he texted me back with one word, "SUCKER." I knew what he meant. He meant I'm a sucker for a sad story with a picture of a cute kid attached! If I thought for one second he wouldn't support my decision, of course, I wouldn't have done it. (I think.) I say all this to tell you, the following Sunday our church sang a song I had never heard before. The song was tied in with the sermon, but the song had more meaning to me that day.....

The Sound

There is a sound that you are waiting to hear,
(The sound) that you will use to break your people through,
So we lift our voices in praise,
And we'll sing unto you Lord,

It's the sound that you heard at Jericho,
It's the sound that you heard in that Philippian jail, 
It's the sound that you will use to set your people free,

There is a sound that tells me what you need,
(The sound) that sound that draws me to where you are, tells me what you're ready for,
So we lift our voices in praise,
And we'll sing unto you Lord,

It's the sound that you heard at Jericho,
It's the sound that you heard in that Philippian jail,
It's the sound that you will use to set your people free,

It's the sound that you heard(when I was going through)
It's the sound that you heard(when I was crying out for you)
It's the sound that you will use to set your people free,

It's the sound of Jubilee, set your people free,
Release my destiny, I want it all back
It's the sound of Jubilee, set your people free
Release my destiny, I want it all back

Set your people free(4x's)
I want it all(4x's)
Set your people free...

Our new sponsored child is Jericho, age 9, from the Philippines. :) Told ya it was a God-thing. www.fh.org

6th times the charm...

So this is probably the SIXTH time I'll be redecorating Trey's room!! I know, I know. We've done Spiderman, his fave colors (red and blue at the time), surfer themes, skateboarder themes, etc. I acutally like the baseball/sports theme he has going on right now, so we'll keep the art on the wall, but the paint color (a dark grey-blue) has to go. He has a full sized bed right now, so with another child "on the way," we had to purchase bunk beds. Here's a preview of what the boys' new room will look like:

Campbell's 3rd Birthday- Kinda

My baby girl is THREE years old today...sort of. Her actual birthday is Leap Day, but since there isn't a Feb 29th this year, we celebrate on the 28th. Sooo tired, so this will be a super short post. Thought I'd post some pics of Campbell's party from this weekend. There are TONS more and several of my other two kids, but  those pictures have other family members in them, so they are only FB approved. :) Goodbye February! Bring on Spring!!!!!!!!

My hard work.....not the best, but they sure did make a three-year-old happy!

Cupcakes my cousin made for Miss Campbell....so cute!

Her Special Cake made by my aunt

My "big girl"

home study: take 2

So tonight was part two of.....four. Yes, four. :) We are now signed up for two more dates to complete our home study. YAY. (Sense the sarcasm?) It's not so bad, I'm just a big fan of family and routine and these kind of interrupt both. Our home developer is awesome, so it's not as bad as it sounds. Tonight we discussed ME, ME, ME. One of my favorite subjects! Ha, just kidding. She asked about my childhood, were my parents married, where did I grow up/go to school, etc. I thought it was going to be quick and painless, but we had to focus on a couple areas: my parents' divorce, the church bombing (another day? another post?), and how I dealt with being a teenage mom. So, it was painless, but definitely not quick! Especially if you know how much I like to talk about two of those three things! (The divorce doesn't really make my top ten of things I like to talk about.)

Learned a couple new things. The state of Texas is changing up foster care. Not sure if it's for the better or not, because we only got into the things that immediately affect us. For one, foster kids will no longer be immediately eligible for CCMS. Bummer. We're not even sure if current foster families will be grandfathered in or not. I know this will hurt a lot of foster parents, so I hope this news is WRONG, or that there is something else to help compensate. Also, the state now requires that all foster families be credentialed for three foster kids. At this point in our lives we can only take on one child since our cars will only fit one more person (unless the Lord blesses us with other vehicles, or a......*sigh* minivan). Taking in three kids on top of our three bio kids would mean being out of ratio, but I guess this isn't such an issue anymore. All of these things are causing a little bit of a curve, but I know God has called us to do this, and He will take care of straightening the path! It's all in His hands, so who am I to question the changes? (For now anyway!)

Next home study date is set for March 8th. Pray that we get A LOT done so our next meeting will be short and sweet! Oh, and our home developer found a family that is willing to let us shadow them for our thirty required hours! They live very close to us, and we LOVE their neighborhood (almost moved there). They're pretty close in age to us, and have been foster parents for a while now. Can't wait to meet them and their kiddos! Please pray that we can get all of our hours in SOON and that these precious people will willingly let us back into their home after spending so much time with us!!!

Side note, if  you have ever heard of Chonda Pierce or Warren Barfield, check out the tour dates and see when they're coming to your area! Several of the women in my family and I went to see Chonda and Warren this past Thursday and nearly fell over from laughing so hard! She is a Christian comedian, and he's pretty funny himself. You may have heard a song he wrote for his wife, Love is Not a Fight. It's the theme song from the movie Fireproof. They're both on facebook, so go check 'em out. You won't regret seeing them together in concert!

Happy Valentine's Day!

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd (quickly!) share the story of how Eddie and I met. For some of you, this may be a COMPLETELY different story than you originally heard! Yes, we originally fibbed about how we met. Neither of us wanted to admit that we "met" online to our families, and we both came up with different versions of how it happened. I think he told his family that he met me in a convenience store while on duty, and I told my family that he pulled me over. :) My story was definitely more believable!

I think it was a Friday night and I had just worked the LONGEST shift ever waiting tables at Chili's. I got online to check my email and get to bed, when an IM popped up on my screen (anybody actually talk on there anymore??). I read the screen name and immediately hit reject. I won't tell you what it was, but it was pretty lame. :) For some reason or another, the IM opened anyway, and I decided to check out his profile. I have a thing for uniforms, so when I saw it was a cop instant messaging me, I had to at least say hi back! We talked alllllllll night (surprised?), and quite a bit the next night. We met on Sunday night/Monday morning (midnight-ish) on December 19, 2004. Went on our first date the following Tuesday, and have been together every day since! Okay, we had  a couple training days when he went to K-9 training, and a day or so when he helped out during one flood or another. Other than that, we have never been apart. We work opposite shifts, so there are many days when we should go without seeing one another at all, but he always makes it happen for me. Even if it's just a hi and a bye with a kiss in between. He always takes the time to see me. Makes me feel special. :) He truly is a gift from God, and every song played in our wedding completely fits us: When God Made You, Bless the Broken Road, When You Say Nothing at All, and Draw Me Close to You (yes, the praise and worship song, with a twist, thank you Brittni!). God knew what he was doing when He had our worlds meet, and I couldn't be happier. We will celebrate 6 years of marriage this July. Love you babe!

And a random, two of my closest friends celebrate their 6 year anniversaries this year, as well! So Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Anniversary to Adrienne and Rob and Sunny and Adam! Love and miss you all!!!

10 Down, 30 to Go!

Hours of shadowing, that is! Today our family had the opportunity to hang out with 5 foster kids while their foster/adoptive parents all took some refresher courses. When we were asked if we could do this today,  we were told it could be anywhere from five to FIFTEEN kids. Add our three to that and just call us crazy! I have to say I was SO happy to see that it was only five kids!!! Did I mention how GREAT they all were?!?! Our kids included, all of them were really amazing. Four of the kiddos are part of a sibling group of FIVE. The baby stayed at home today, not sure if she was sick, or just too little to hang w/the rest of us. They were all very sweet and obedient (LOVE that word!). The other little girl we watched today was a little younger than Campbell and was non-verbal. Her adoptive parents have taught her sign language (all of which I knew, phew!), so that was pretty cool being able to communicate with her. She napped a good portion of the second half of the day, and she was really good. Her parents were a little apprehensive, but she did amazing and they were the sweetest people I think I have ever met. I wish I had gotten their info....

Do me a favor? I can't really say a whole lot about the kids we get to meet and hang out with during our training, but the sibling group we met today NEEDS your prayers. It looks like they may all be eligible for adoption soon, and there are FIVE of them. I know there are some people out there on a WHOLE other level of crazy as we are that would be willing to adopt this many kids together, but regardless, I'd say that these kids need a lot of prayers. They also have other siblings that aren't in foster care with them and are living with their other parents. I think it would be amazing if the family that adopts these kids would be willing to let them have an opportunity to keep in touch with their brothers if it's possible. I know that's a lot to pray for, but just imagine if you were in their shoes.....

Keep us in your prayers, as well! Eddie and I are busier than ever with work, and sports should be starting up this spring for the big kids. We still have 30 hours of training to get in and other paperwork/home studies/etc that we have to get busy with before we can have a child placed with us. I know it's all in God's timing, but you know how the devil likes obstacles!!! Prayers are MUCH appreciated!

home study: take 1

Just now getting around to posting about how our home study went last night! Can I just say that my house hasn't  been this clean in a long, long time?!? Clean, yes. THIS clean? No. :) Thank you to my wonderful hubby and Alyssa for helping me....otherwise, I would not have gotten as much done as I wanted. At one point I looked at Eddie and asked how he felt about spot painting. (A little overboard, I know.) His response? "We're cleaning, not remodeling. NO." Poor guy. He really did a lot more cleaning than I typically ask of him. I'm a little old school about house roles, and he likes it that way. :)

Anyway, our "home developer" was right on time.....5:30 on the dot. I brought her to the kitchen table because I was finishing up making dinner for the kids and she kind of stood there for a few minutes, so I said, "You can sit down!" She looked at me and said, "Can you show me around?" DUH. It's a home study. :) Give me that I was multi-tasking, okay?? So I show her around, and she's finding ways to make room for MORE kids. LOL. We can only take on one right now. I am NOT driving a mini van (do you hear me, Lord?). Sigh of relief from the hubby!

After she checked out the house and made note of some things we still need to get (lock box for ammunition and something to store meds), we sat down and went over paperwork....for two hours. It actually went pretty fast, and I was almost glad it was over (five am comes awfully early people), but we didn't even get to the fun stuff! Can you believe I WANT to answer all the in-your-business questions? Okay, don't answer that. If you know me, of course you know I want to answer them lol. :) She gave me some more paperwork to work on (easy stuff: find dr/dentist that accepts Medicaid; gather info on daycares/schools child will attend), and left with two more dates scheduled for part 2 and 3 of our home study.

Now, to get working on our 40 hours of shadowing another foster family (this is a requirement of OUR agency, not all agencies).......

the GOOD parts

Since I want to be completely honest about this process, I would like to share with you some of the advantages of fostering OR foster-to-adoption. These kids are wards of the state, and even though it is an awful thing, it does have some benefits. First of all, the adoption of a child in foster care in the state of Texas is virtually FREE. Yes, free. There are minimal costs involved, such as FBI fingerprints, CPR certification, etc, but the small costs seem to come in steps, and aren't overwhelming. 

Second, each of these kids are given free college tuition for any state school, and as we understand it, are even allowed that tuition for trade schools if college isn't for them. This is something that goes with them, even after adoption. The monthly subsidy for a basic needs child in foster care is approximately $650. Of course, this goes up as the need level increases. (Please do NOT do this for the money....it really has to be something that you have a heart for, because it is a HARD job.) I can't seem to find the link to the website I found last time, but there are subsidies AFTER adoption for some children. I think this varies state to state, and I believe age, race, and medical needs are all factors in how much assistance the child receives after adoption. (If anyone else finds the website, please let me know so I can post the link!) 

Foster parents are allowed a "mini" break, consisting of three days of respite care each quarter, so every three months you are allowed three days "off." Sounds kind of harsh, but after three months of no-spending-the-night-at-Nana's, I'm sure we'll be ready to take our agency up on this assistance! I am not sure if respite varies for each agency, or if this is state-wide. (Still learning!). 

Each child in foster care is on Medicaid until the age of 18 (special needs children may qualify for extended Medicaid, or maybe Medicare/Medicaid, not sure), even after adoption. Medical insurance isn't a real concern at this point for us since it doesn't matter how many children I add to my policy, but this is BIG concern and a huge cost for a lot of people. 

Depending on the county in which you live, CPS may give a voucher for clothing assistance when the child(ren) is brought to you. Some ask for receipts and then reimburse. It was mentioned in training that certain counties have a "store" specifically for using their clothing vouchers. Again, all this information has been Googled or was given to us by veteran foster parents/respite caregivers in our training, so do some of your own research. Please correct me if you find out otherwise. I would like to be able to answer all questions that come my way on foster care over time, so I appreciate any advice/knowledge that can be passed on to me! 

With all the bad, there is good. You can make a huge impact on a child's life in just a short period of time. Why let the "bad" parts of CPS and foster care scare you away from making a change in someone's life? Especially a little someone who NEEDS you.

The State of Texas:
* Monthly subsidies, sometimes even after adoption
* FREE medical care until the age of 18 (again, even after adoption)
* College tuition to any state school/trade school
* Respite care provided (may depend on agency) while in foster-care
* Adoption fees are MINIMAL, possibly even FREE (esp w/the new adoption refund!) 


OH! And we did a little more investigating on the child care situation since that was our biggest ($$$) fear, and we found out that our parents/grandparents, etc CAN watch our kids for UNDER four hours, they just have to come to our house. They also have to have a valid driver's license, car insurance, and current CPR. (For $25 per person, I'd say that works!) I did speak to our home developer (another thing I learned! she's not our case worker/manager. :)) about allowing our foster-son to stay the night with friends or cousins after he'd been in our home for awhile and was more familiar with everyone, and she said it is possible, that's just something we'll have to work out with our case manager and CPS. Doesn't mean it's a definite, just means it's possible, and for now, that will do!

Phew!

Can I just tell you how HAPPY I am that training is OVER???  YAY! It really wasn't that awful, just lengthy, and some parts were.....well, boring. :) I did pretty good with keeping my claustrophobia "issues" in check. It was a big room, and there were only 10-12 people in it throughout training. I have decided after training that I know why God chose us for foster care. I am not really one to break the rules, but I will definitely question them....over and over. I don't like having people telling me what to do all the time, and I have real issues with the public school system (teachers, please don't get angry...it's not about you). There are definitely some things about the foster care system that need to CHANGE, or at least need some tweaking! Maybe I'll change my mind as we get further in to this, but for now, I'm ready to change some laws! :)

On Saturday we had PRIDE training. It was twelve long hours of  "you can't, you can't, you can't." and "don't, don't, don't." Not even halfway through I was ready to go. Eddie and I were texting back and forth trying to decide if we should spend any more time away from our kids for something that now seemed impossible. We were getting ready to go for our first break of the day when we got on the subject of babysitters/ respite care. It was brought to our attention that our family members would not be allowed to care for our foster-son unless they went through respite training, and even then, he still couldn't stay the night with any of them unless they basically sign up to be foster parents and do the same training we are.That broke my heart. Obviously, we won't be asking them to become foster parents. We KNOW that there is a HUGE possibility he will go back to his bio parents, but we want to make him feel like he's as much our family as our other three kids while in our care. Not being able to stay with family, along with the other do's and don'ts (refer to http://waitingon4.blogspot.com/2011/01/rules-and-regs.html) makes it seem impossible. This is NOT what I thought I was getting myself in to. Okay, let's just make these kids feel like more of an outsider. It's not bad enough for whatever reason his parents are temporarily (or permanently) unable to care for him, now he has to go to daycare when his foster-siblings stay with family during summer break, or have a respite care giver take him for a "mini break" when Trey, Alyssa and Campbell all get to stay at Granny and Papaw's.....not at all like I want it. But we do understand why these rules exist, it just doesn't make it fair. I was ready to cry. Ready to say "I'm sorry, but this is not for us," and leave. Ready to go spend some time with my kiddos and just forget we ever started this process. But God intervened. I started praying that He would give me some peace about His calling on our lives. That prayers would go up and answers would come, and they did....at least some of them. I texted a friend begging her to call and help us out!! She called right away, and I won't share everything she told me on Saturday, but the biggest thing was that our foster child would qualify for CCMS, so at least if he has to go to daycare, that won't be an expense we have to worry about. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but it certainly helped ease my fears.

The rest of training was a roller coaster of emotions...most of these kids go through a lot in their short lives. More than you can even imagine. It was hard to hear some of the scenarios, as they were real, but I know I needed to hear it. I won't even go there with you, but it made some parts of training very sad. We had a great group, minus a couple of talkers that were consistently LATE. (No, I wasn't one of them!) And by late, I mean a half hour to hour late every. single. day. Definitely made me try harder to be on time to class! Doesn't mean traffic cooperated every time, but most days we were a couple minutes early (on-time according to Eddie).

I've decided not to share the reasons we are only planning to foster at this point. I certainly don't want some of the things I post to come back and bite me in the butt, so I'll save some things for our personal lives. No, this doesn't mean that either of us is to blame or changed our minds. We just decided to take a couple steps back and let God lead the way. For now, we know we are in His will, because the devil has been fighting HARD. I knew this was coming. Satan doesn't quite have the heart for orphans like Jesus. :)

a little change of plans, new header, and lots of prayers needed

I don't really have time to write the post I'd really like to be publishing right now. We've only been home about 45 minutes, and Eddie and I are both pretty tired. I would like to thank EVERYONE and anyone that prayed for us this weekend. I could definitely feel them! I would like to ask that you CONTINUE to pray. I felt a real struggle all through training. We almost left at one point, feeling defeated and ready to give up on our journey.....and we've only barely begun! It was A LOT to take in, and we know there's still more. We found out some information that almost stopped us dead in our tracks. I'll explain more later when I can elaborate, but for now that will have to be enough. If you've paid attention to my header at all, you see that there has been a slight change. It used to say, "Our journey TO ADOPT through the foster care system..." now it just says "Our journey through the foster care system." Again, something else I'll have to explain at a later time. For the moment, our "plan" is to finish up our training and start out just fostering. Either way, we would have to foster a child we might would adopt for at least six months before we could even really start the process, so who knows where all this will lead (okay, God knows). It's all in His hands, and I am fully trusting in Him that He will do what is right for our family. Please continue to pray for us. Training has certainly been a roller coaster of emotions, and the devil is working HARD to change our minds. I KNOW that God has called us to do this, and I am just praying that He will give us a sense of peace after all the information that we have received this weekend. I would like to add that training is actually longer than anticipated. We had SAMA training today, which was unexpected, and again tomorrow night. We have family lined up to keep the kids, but this momma is feeling pretty bad about not spending time with my babies. I have a lot of GREAT information for anyone interested in fostering or adopting through foster care coming up, so please come back to read more. I'll post as soon as I find the time!