Phew!

Can I just tell you how HAPPY I am that training is OVER???  YAY! It really wasn't that awful, just lengthy, and some parts were.....well, boring. :) I did pretty good with keeping my claustrophobia "issues" in check. It was a big room, and there were only 10-12 people in it throughout training. I have decided after training that I know why God chose us for foster care. I am not really one to break the rules, but I will definitely question them....over and over. I don't like having people telling me what to do all the time, and I have real issues with the public school system (teachers, please don't get angry...it's not about you). There are definitely some things about the foster care system that need to CHANGE, or at least need some tweaking! Maybe I'll change my mind as we get further in to this, but for now, I'm ready to change some laws! :)

On Saturday we had PRIDE training. It was twelve long hours of  "you can't, you can't, you can't." and "don't, don't, don't." Not even halfway through I was ready to go. Eddie and I were texting back and forth trying to decide if we should spend any more time away from our kids for something that now seemed impossible. We were getting ready to go for our first break of the day when we got on the subject of babysitters/ respite care. It was brought to our attention that our family members would not be allowed to care for our foster-son unless they went through respite training, and even then, he still couldn't stay the night with any of them unless they basically sign up to be foster parents and do the same training we are.That broke my heart. Obviously, we won't be asking them to become foster parents. We KNOW that there is a HUGE possibility he will go back to his bio parents, but we want to make him feel like he's as much our family as our other three kids while in our care. Not being able to stay with family, along with the other do's and don'ts (refer to http://waitingon4.blogspot.com/2011/01/rules-and-regs.html) makes it seem impossible. This is NOT what I thought I was getting myself in to. Okay, let's just make these kids feel like more of an outsider. It's not bad enough for whatever reason his parents are temporarily (or permanently) unable to care for him, now he has to go to daycare when his foster-siblings stay with family during summer break, or have a respite care giver take him for a "mini break" when Trey, Alyssa and Campbell all get to stay at Granny and Papaw's.....not at all like I want it. But we do understand why these rules exist, it just doesn't make it fair. I was ready to cry. Ready to say "I'm sorry, but this is not for us," and leave. Ready to go spend some time with my kiddos and just forget we ever started this process. But God intervened. I started praying that He would give me some peace about His calling on our lives. That prayers would go up and answers would come, and they did....at least some of them. I texted a friend begging her to call and help us out!! She called right away, and I won't share everything she told me on Saturday, but the biggest thing was that our foster child would qualify for CCMS, so at least if he has to go to daycare, that won't be an expense we have to worry about. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but it certainly helped ease my fears.

The rest of training was a roller coaster of emotions...most of these kids go through a lot in their short lives. More than you can even imagine. It was hard to hear some of the scenarios, as they were real, but I know I needed to hear it. I won't even go there with you, but it made some parts of training very sad. We had a great group, minus a couple of talkers that were consistently LATE. (No, I wasn't one of them!) And by late, I mean a half hour to hour late every. single. day. Definitely made me try harder to be on time to class! Doesn't mean traffic cooperated every time, but most days we were a couple minutes early (on-time according to Eddie).

I've decided not to share the reasons we are only planning to foster at this point. I certainly don't want some of the things I post to come back and bite me in the butt, so I'll save some things for our personal lives. No, this doesn't mean that either of us is to blame or changed our minds. We just decided to take a couple steps back and let God lead the way. For now, we know we are in His will, because the devil has been fighting HARD. I knew this was coming. Satan doesn't quite have the heart for orphans like Jesus. :)