the hard parts

i thought i took everything into consideration when i decided to put my kids names on this blog. what i didn't think about was when the kids are older, they could be online, find this blog and read about details i might not have wanted them to know, espeically not tucker. as if he needs to go back and read about how hard this or that was for me with him here, especially after everything else he's been through. i started this blog hoping i could be open and honest about my feelings during this process. there are so many blogs out there and it seems like they leave out the hard parts, or they hint that things are rough but don't elaborate, leaving you guessing. ugh....there is so much i want to share, but i can't. what i can tell you is that things have been going a little easier with tucker being here than i thought. he is very good to put away his dishes, clean up, etc. there are some other things and some attachment and bonding issues that we had anticipated with his age. i'm sure it happens at all ages, but pre-teens in general are not as receptive to affection like little kids are. besides that, i'm not always the best at giving it out. that is definitely something i need to work on!

anyway, right now i'm trying to decide if i should just abandon this blog and start a new one where i leave out some of the specifics like names and picutres so that i can reallly tell it like it is and not leave out the hard parts. something to think about!

Home Sweet....Home?

It has been almost a week since "Tucker" came to our home, his home. It has been somewhat awkward for all of us. I think Trey and Alyssa have adjusted pretty well considering they have to share all their toys with a complete stranger and call him "brother." I am not really sure how to continue this blog since Tucker is a pre-teen. I don't want to say anything that he may someday read and take the wrong way. The kids in our school district have laptops that they take home, and I am not really sure how he or I would feel if he read this blog and I shared all of my feelings. I will see how I feel as this continues, and go from there. For now, just know that we are all adjusting. It's going okay, and I think it is as much of an adjustment for us as it is for him. If you have any questions about things and want to email me or message me on facebook, I have no problems sharing in a more private setting. This just feels a little too much for right now. Thank you for your prayers....our family is coming around, and some of them have been amazing! I will try and blog when I feel like it's okay to post. (Please forgive any nonsense or repetitiveness! I am beyond tired and probably should have waited to write this post!)

News and Struggles

Struggling with the fact that so many people seem to be against us in this journey. I never in a million years thought that that some of the people we love the most would be so against us loving on another child. A child without a family. Really? Where is Christ's love in that? Where do they get off thinking that this life is supposed to be about US or supposed to be easy?? Maybe my attitude is wrong, maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but if I don't stand up for what we're doing, for him, who else will? I think that the judgement that we're feeling right now is the very thing that keeps so many people from joining a church or coming to Christ. If this journey only changes my heart, and helps me to stop judging from a distance, then it was all worth it....if that's the ONLY lesson I learn. Well, we all know I'm learning some serious lessons in patience! This wait....the wait for Tucker since we've seen his picture, seen him in person, makes me respect mommies and daddies adopting internationally THAT much more. I just can't even fathom getting a referral picture and waiting months to meet your child, and then even longer before you can take him/her home!!

As for the news (I had to find a way to get you to skim read my rant first!), we got approval from CPU (the Child Placement Unit) for Tucker to move from the group home he's in now to our home! We should have a date/time tomorrow after our agency has had a chance to staff this with his CPS worker. Sooo excited! I'm on vacation all this week, so we'll have some family bonding time, then we'll have just over a week before school starts! Speaking of school, I will have THREE sixth graders!! Lord HELP me!! :)

Still Waiting!

Oh isn't it funny how we always think we know best? We thought the placement would have happened by now, and even talked about how it would be better for everyone involved if he were home before Trey and Alyssa came home. God's timing really is....right on time! Now, we do not have "Tucker" (since this is not his legal name, I think it's safe to call him that on here!) in our home yet, but the "perfect placement day" in our mind up until last weekend was last Friday, the 29th. The kids came home and everyone was so excited to see them! So much so that something went unnoticed (we'll just leave it at that), and late Sunday evening I found something that would keep me occupied for DAYS! So glad he wasn't home while I was dealing with "the issue!" Then we were hoping by today at the latest. :) We aren't all that smart people. My best friend in the WHOLE world is coming this weekend with her beautiful family to visit for a few days before she and her husband are stationed in Japan for 3 years. I feel like I need some bonding time with my friend-fam, and didn't want Tucker to feel left out in any way. At the same time, I didn't want to neglect these people who have been such good friends to us for so many years and make them feel like we were too busy with life to take the time to enjoy these last few days together. As much as it saddened me to hear, we won't hear anything about the actual placement until Monday. By the time they get a date/time for drop off, my friends will have come and gone. So He proved me wrong, yet again, that He knows best and I'm just along for the ride!

I almost forgot to mention that we got to see Tucker from a distance last weekend. (That didn't sound stalker-ish AT ALL!) We had training last weekend, and Tucker's current foster parents just so happened to pick the same time as we did, so we caught a few glimpses of him coming and going from the room. He looks to be pretty happy. Our home developer (why not call her friend?!? I've known her almost 8 months now!) was in the room with all the kids and kept an eye out for me. We shared details of our "Tucker sightings" via email the next day. :) All my fears of fostering an older child.....gone. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know there are days that are going to be ROUGH, but we're in this. If he is who God wants in our home, then we'll do everything to get him there....and keep him there.

Prayers welcomed! We're going a little stir crazy waiting to see WHEN he can come home.