Campbell's 3rd Birthday- Kinda

My baby girl is THREE years old today...sort of. Her actual birthday is Leap Day, but since there isn't a Feb 29th this year, we celebrate on the 28th. Sooo tired, so this will be a super short post. Thought I'd post some pics of Campbell's party from this weekend. There are TONS more and several of my other two kids, but  those pictures have other family members in them, so they are only FB approved. :) Goodbye February! Bring on Spring!!!!!!!!

My hard work.....not the best, but they sure did make a three-year-old happy!

Cupcakes my cousin made for Miss Campbell....so cute!

Her Special Cake made by my aunt

My "big girl"

home study: take 2

So tonight was part two of.....four. Yes, four. :) We are now signed up for two more dates to complete our home study. YAY. (Sense the sarcasm?) It's not so bad, I'm just a big fan of family and routine and these kind of interrupt both. Our home developer is awesome, so it's not as bad as it sounds. Tonight we discussed ME, ME, ME. One of my favorite subjects! Ha, just kidding. She asked about my childhood, were my parents married, where did I grow up/go to school, etc. I thought it was going to be quick and painless, but we had to focus on a couple areas: my parents' divorce, the church bombing (another day? another post?), and how I dealt with being a teenage mom. So, it was painless, but definitely not quick! Especially if you know how much I like to talk about two of those three things! (The divorce doesn't really make my top ten of things I like to talk about.)

Learned a couple new things. The state of Texas is changing up foster care. Not sure if it's for the better or not, because we only got into the things that immediately affect us. For one, foster kids will no longer be immediately eligible for CCMS. Bummer. We're not even sure if current foster families will be grandfathered in or not. I know this will hurt a lot of foster parents, so I hope this news is WRONG, or that there is something else to help compensate. Also, the state now requires that all foster families be credentialed for three foster kids. At this point in our lives we can only take on one child since our cars will only fit one more person (unless the Lord blesses us with other vehicles, or a......*sigh* minivan). Taking in three kids on top of our three bio kids would mean being out of ratio, but I guess this isn't such an issue anymore. All of these things are causing a little bit of a curve, but I know God has called us to do this, and He will take care of straightening the path! It's all in His hands, so who am I to question the changes? (For now anyway!)

Next home study date is set for March 8th. Pray that we get A LOT done so our next meeting will be short and sweet! Oh, and our home developer found a family that is willing to let us shadow them for our thirty required hours! They live very close to us, and we LOVE their neighborhood (almost moved there). They're pretty close in age to us, and have been foster parents for a while now. Can't wait to meet them and their kiddos! Please pray that we can get all of our hours in SOON and that these precious people will willingly let us back into their home after spending so much time with us!!!

Side note, if  you have ever heard of Chonda Pierce or Warren Barfield, check out the tour dates and see when they're coming to your area! Several of the women in my family and I went to see Chonda and Warren this past Thursday and nearly fell over from laughing so hard! She is a Christian comedian, and he's pretty funny himself. You may have heard a song he wrote for his wife, Love is Not a Fight. It's the theme song from the movie Fireproof. They're both on facebook, so go check 'em out. You won't regret seeing them together in concert!

Happy Valentine's Day!

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd (quickly!) share the story of how Eddie and I met. For some of you, this may be a COMPLETELY different story than you originally heard! Yes, we originally fibbed about how we met. Neither of us wanted to admit that we "met" online to our families, and we both came up with different versions of how it happened. I think he told his family that he met me in a convenience store while on duty, and I told my family that he pulled me over. :) My story was definitely more believable!

I think it was a Friday night and I had just worked the LONGEST shift ever waiting tables at Chili's. I got online to check my email and get to bed, when an IM popped up on my screen (anybody actually talk on there anymore??). I read the screen name and immediately hit reject. I won't tell you what it was, but it was pretty lame. :) For some reason or another, the IM opened anyway, and I decided to check out his profile. I have a thing for uniforms, so when I saw it was a cop instant messaging me, I had to at least say hi back! We talked alllllllll night (surprised?), and quite a bit the next night. We met on Sunday night/Monday morning (midnight-ish) on December 19, 2004. Went on our first date the following Tuesday, and have been together every day since! Okay, we had  a couple training days when he went to K-9 training, and a day or so when he helped out during one flood or another. Other than that, we have never been apart. We work opposite shifts, so there are many days when we should go without seeing one another at all, but he always makes it happen for me. Even if it's just a hi and a bye with a kiss in between. He always takes the time to see me. Makes me feel special. :) He truly is a gift from God, and every song played in our wedding completely fits us: When God Made You, Bless the Broken Road, When You Say Nothing at All, and Draw Me Close to You (yes, the praise and worship song, with a twist, thank you Brittni!). God knew what he was doing when He had our worlds meet, and I couldn't be happier. We will celebrate 6 years of marriage this July. Love you babe!

And a random, two of my closest friends celebrate their 6 year anniversaries this year, as well! So Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Anniversary to Adrienne and Rob and Sunny and Adam! Love and miss you all!!!

10 Down, 30 to Go!

Hours of shadowing, that is! Today our family had the opportunity to hang out with 5 foster kids while their foster/adoptive parents all took some refresher courses. When we were asked if we could do this today,  we were told it could be anywhere from five to FIFTEEN kids. Add our three to that and just call us crazy! I have to say I was SO happy to see that it was only five kids!!! Did I mention how GREAT they all were?!?! Our kids included, all of them were really amazing. Four of the kiddos are part of a sibling group of FIVE. The baby stayed at home today, not sure if she was sick, or just too little to hang w/the rest of us. They were all very sweet and obedient (LOVE that word!). The other little girl we watched today was a little younger than Campbell and was non-verbal. Her adoptive parents have taught her sign language (all of which I knew, phew!), so that was pretty cool being able to communicate with her. She napped a good portion of the second half of the day, and she was really good. Her parents were a little apprehensive, but she did amazing and they were the sweetest people I think I have ever met. I wish I had gotten their info....

Do me a favor? I can't really say a whole lot about the kids we get to meet and hang out with during our training, but the sibling group we met today NEEDS your prayers. It looks like they may all be eligible for adoption soon, and there are FIVE of them. I know there are some people out there on a WHOLE other level of crazy as we are that would be willing to adopt this many kids together, but regardless, I'd say that these kids need a lot of prayers. They also have other siblings that aren't in foster care with them and are living with their other parents. I think it would be amazing if the family that adopts these kids would be willing to let them have an opportunity to keep in touch with their brothers if it's possible. I know that's a lot to pray for, but just imagine if you were in their shoes.....

Keep us in your prayers, as well! Eddie and I are busier than ever with work, and sports should be starting up this spring for the big kids. We still have 30 hours of training to get in and other paperwork/home studies/etc that we have to get busy with before we can have a child placed with us. I know it's all in God's timing, but you know how the devil likes obstacles!!! Prayers are MUCH appreciated!

home study: take 1

Just now getting around to posting about how our home study went last night! Can I just say that my house hasn't  been this clean in a long, long time?!? Clean, yes. THIS clean? No. :) Thank you to my wonderful hubby and Alyssa for helping me....otherwise, I would not have gotten as much done as I wanted. At one point I looked at Eddie and asked how he felt about spot painting. (A little overboard, I know.) His response? "We're cleaning, not remodeling. NO." Poor guy. He really did a lot more cleaning than I typically ask of him. I'm a little old school about house roles, and he likes it that way. :)

Anyway, our "home developer" was right on time.....5:30 on the dot. I brought her to the kitchen table because I was finishing up making dinner for the kids and she kind of stood there for a few minutes, so I said, "You can sit down!" She looked at me and said, "Can you show me around?" DUH. It's a home study. :) Give me that I was multi-tasking, okay?? So I show her around, and she's finding ways to make room for MORE kids. LOL. We can only take on one right now. I am NOT driving a mini van (do you hear me, Lord?). Sigh of relief from the hubby!

After she checked out the house and made note of some things we still need to get (lock box for ammunition and something to store meds), we sat down and went over paperwork....for two hours. It actually went pretty fast, and I was almost glad it was over (five am comes awfully early people), but we didn't even get to the fun stuff! Can you believe I WANT to answer all the in-your-business questions? Okay, don't answer that. If you know me, of course you know I want to answer them lol. :) She gave me some more paperwork to work on (easy stuff: find dr/dentist that accepts Medicaid; gather info on daycares/schools child will attend), and left with two more dates scheduled for part 2 and 3 of our home study.

Now, to get working on our 40 hours of shadowing another foster family (this is a requirement of OUR agency, not all agencies).......

the GOOD parts

Since I want to be completely honest about this process, I would like to share with you some of the advantages of fostering OR foster-to-adoption. These kids are wards of the state, and even though it is an awful thing, it does have some benefits. First of all, the adoption of a child in foster care in the state of Texas is virtually FREE. Yes, free. There are minimal costs involved, such as FBI fingerprints, CPR certification, etc, but the small costs seem to come in steps, and aren't overwhelming. 

Second, each of these kids are given free college tuition for any state school, and as we understand it, are even allowed that tuition for trade schools if college isn't for them. This is something that goes with them, even after adoption. The monthly subsidy for a basic needs child in foster care is approximately $650. Of course, this goes up as the need level increases. (Please do NOT do this for the money....it really has to be something that you have a heart for, because it is a HARD job.) I can't seem to find the link to the website I found last time, but there are subsidies AFTER adoption for some children. I think this varies state to state, and I believe age, race, and medical needs are all factors in how much assistance the child receives after adoption. (If anyone else finds the website, please let me know so I can post the link!) 

Foster parents are allowed a "mini" break, consisting of three days of respite care each quarter, so every three months you are allowed three days "off." Sounds kind of harsh, but after three months of no-spending-the-night-at-Nana's, I'm sure we'll be ready to take our agency up on this assistance! I am not sure if respite varies for each agency, or if this is state-wide. (Still learning!). 

Each child in foster care is on Medicaid until the age of 18 (special needs children may qualify for extended Medicaid, or maybe Medicare/Medicaid, not sure), even after adoption. Medical insurance isn't a real concern at this point for us since it doesn't matter how many children I add to my policy, but this is BIG concern and a huge cost for a lot of people. 

Depending on the county in which you live, CPS may give a voucher for clothing assistance when the child(ren) is brought to you. Some ask for receipts and then reimburse. It was mentioned in training that certain counties have a "store" specifically for using their clothing vouchers. Again, all this information has been Googled or was given to us by veteran foster parents/respite caregivers in our training, so do some of your own research. Please correct me if you find out otherwise. I would like to be able to answer all questions that come my way on foster care over time, so I appreciate any advice/knowledge that can be passed on to me! 

With all the bad, there is good. You can make a huge impact on a child's life in just a short period of time. Why let the "bad" parts of CPS and foster care scare you away from making a change in someone's life? Especially a little someone who NEEDS you.

The State of Texas:
* Monthly subsidies, sometimes even after adoption
* FREE medical care until the age of 18 (again, even after adoption)
* College tuition to any state school/trade school
* Respite care provided (may depend on agency) while in foster-care
* Adoption fees are MINIMAL, possibly even FREE (esp w/the new adoption refund!) 


OH! And we did a little more investigating on the child care situation since that was our biggest ($$$) fear, and we found out that our parents/grandparents, etc CAN watch our kids for UNDER four hours, they just have to come to our house. They also have to have a valid driver's license, car insurance, and current CPR. (For $25 per person, I'd say that works!) I did speak to our home developer (another thing I learned! she's not our case worker/manager. :)) about allowing our foster-son to stay the night with friends or cousins after he'd been in our home for awhile and was more familiar with everyone, and she said it is possible, that's just something we'll have to work out with our case manager and CPS. Doesn't mean it's a definite, just means it's possible, and for now, that will do!

Phew!

Can I just tell you how HAPPY I am that training is OVER???  YAY! It really wasn't that awful, just lengthy, and some parts were.....well, boring. :) I did pretty good with keeping my claustrophobia "issues" in check. It was a big room, and there were only 10-12 people in it throughout training. I have decided after training that I know why God chose us for foster care. I am not really one to break the rules, but I will definitely question them....over and over. I don't like having people telling me what to do all the time, and I have real issues with the public school system (teachers, please don't get angry...it's not about you). There are definitely some things about the foster care system that need to CHANGE, or at least need some tweaking! Maybe I'll change my mind as we get further in to this, but for now, I'm ready to change some laws! :)

On Saturday we had PRIDE training. It was twelve long hours of  "you can't, you can't, you can't." and "don't, don't, don't." Not even halfway through I was ready to go. Eddie and I were texting back and forth trying to decide if we should spend any more time away from our kids for something that now seemed impossible. We were getting ready to go for our first break of the day when we got on the subject of babysitters/ respite care. It was brought to our attention that our family members would not be allowed to care for our foster-son unless they went through respite training, and even then, he still couldn't stay the night with any of them unless they basically sign up to be foster parents and do the same training we are.That broke my heart. Obviously, we won't be asking them to become foster parents. We KNOW that there is a HUGE possibility he will go back to his bio parents, but we want to make him feel like he's as much our family as our other three kids while in our care. Not being able to stay with family, along with the other do's and don'ts (refer to http://waitingon4.blogspot.com/2011/01/rules-and-regs.html) makes it seem impossible. This is NOT what I thought I was getting myself in to. Okay, let's just make these kids feel like more of an outsider. It's not bad enough for whatever reason his parents are temporarily (or permanently) unable to care for him, now he has to go to daycare when his foster-siblings stay with family during summer break, or have a respite care giver take him for a "mini break" when Trey, Alyssa and Campbell all get to stay at Granny and Papaw's.....not at all like I want it. But we do understand why these rules exist, it just doesn't make it fair. I was ready to cry. Ready to say "I'm sorry, but this is not for us," and leave. Ready to go spend some time with my kiddos and just forget we ever started this process. But God intervened. I started praying that He would give me some peace about His calling on our lives. That prayers would go up and answers would come, and they did....at least some of them. I texted a friend begging her to call and help us out!! She called right away, and I won't share everything she told me on Saturday, but the biggest thing was that our foster child would qualify for CCMS, so at least if he has to go to daycare, that won't be an expense we have to worry about. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but it certainly helped ease my fears.

The rest of training was a roller coaster of emotions...most of these kids go through a lot in their short lives. More than you can even imagine. It was hard to hear some of the scenarios, as they were real, but I know I needed to hear it. I won't even go there with you, but it made some parts of training very sad. We had a great group, minus a couple of talkers that were consistently LATE. (No, I wasn't one of them!) And by late, I mean a half hour to hour late every. single. day. Definitely made me try harder to be on time to class! Doesn't mean traffic cooperated every time, but most days we were a couple minutes early (on-time according to Eddie).

I've decided not to share the reasons we are only planning to foster at this point. I certainly don't want some of the things I post to come back and bite me in the butt, so I'll save some things for our personal lives. No, this doesn't mean that either of us is to blame or changed our minds. We just decided to take a couple steps back and let God lead the way. For now, we know we are in His will, because the devil has been fighting HARD. I knew this was coming. Satan doesn't quite have the heart for orphans like Jesus. :)